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The bond between mother and daughter is truly unique and has far-reaching effects on the development and socialisation of girls throughout their lifetime.

Increasing the emotional connection between mothers and daughters can foster mutual support. Here are some ideas to help you be an effective mother for your daughter.

Mothers are a powerful influence. The way you acts in front of your daughter largely influences your daughter’s behaviour. Model to her how to feel pride and pleasure in her accomplishments, act with competence and it will help empower your daughter. Help her to see beauty from the inside and not to be so influenced by the media and others perceptions.

Be able to say no. Saying no benefits both of you. Daughters, like sons, feel safer with boundaries. Boundaries are essential to keeping her safe emotionally and physically. When you stand firm you teach your daughter that firmness is a strength worth adopting. Your firmness gives her permission to say no when she is put under pressure to conform by peers and in their early relationships.

Notice what she is like. Notice her and openly endorse her likes, dislikes and opinions. You do not need to agree with them, but you can validate them, which demonstrates respect and gives her permission to be her own person.

Don’t stop your daughter from becoming angry but coach her on the skills she needs to work through strong emotions effectively. She must have the opportunity to sit in the experience of those emotions, learn to cope with them and navigate her way through them.

Show her that it’s okay to express a full range of emotions. Emotions are an incredibly powerful tool, and we need to teach daughters that when they feel angry or upset, it’s a signal that something is important and that it should be expressed.

Allow your daughter to make mistakes, it is one of the best ways to build her confidence. Avoiding failure only sets up a vicious cycle that says “you must be perfect”. Give her some permission to struggle.

Encourage her to try a variety of activities so that she can discover her passions in early to mid-adolescence. Some girls take longer than others to find their passions. Sometimes this is about just developing creativity.

Gender identity is on a continuum – girls grow up to be women and women were once girls. Some argue that adult women struggle with the same things as younger girls, just in a different context. This may afford great empathy or it may be a great interference to problem solving if mothers are still working it out for themselves.

Adapted from Article, by Sharon Witt, Secondary teacher, author and presenter.

Josie Ashby | Wellbeing Counsellor 

Mairead Mackle | Student Counsellor

Laura Herbert | Student Counsellor

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