Newsroom
News
From the Counsellors
08.11.17
How much do we need to tell our children?
Do our children need to know explicit details about relationship breakdowns, disability or themselves?
We seem to have created a culture where discussing these often complex issues is done openly and in great detail. Perhaps this is reflective of the greater transparency we see in the world today, with personal information being shared on social media and reality TV. Our society has evolved to favour transparency in most aspects of life. It seems to be the new norm but is it in the best interests of our children’s wellbeing, that our parenting follows suit?
Kids often casually deliver terms and labels that they don’t – they simply can’t – understand what they are saying and what it means for their own identity. Out of the mouths of babes comes very adult language and concepts like ‘diagnosis’, ‘ADHD’ and brain problems.
The labels and tags that we were given to us in early days, are often thoughts responsible for us not attempting things, a subconscious block to our learning and development? This is even worse if we are talking about a disability or diagnosis, as we are giving children a story to tell.
This is difficult for children, for as Michael Grose (Parenting Expert) says, children’s brains are generally poor processors and they see things in black and white. Catastrophic language may be the norm, e.g. “Everyone hates me”
As adults we look for more knowledge or detail and we can sort through difficult information: our brains and bodies can let go of things we know are not important. We can seek the support of other adults. We can google things. Children aren’t equipped the same way. They are told something and it becomes a fact. Real. It becomes a part of who they are.
By tailoring the narrative, you give your children to better suit their developmental age and stage in life, by telling them just enough to get them through, you give their minds and bodies a better chance to process complex issues when they are developmentally ready.
Be confident that you have told them enough and that you aren’t swamping them with too much information for them to accurately process!
Extract from article by Dimity Sharpe from, Positive Parenting website
Tenison Woods College Counsellors